Remembering Thom

I'm reflecting this morning on my high school boyfriend, who would have been 62 today. We met in 7th grade and became fast friends, sharing a similar sense of humor, a love of writing, and an appreciation for the same music.

 

In 11th grade, we became "something more" - though it was a confused affair, as he had not yet arrived at identifying as straight, gay, or bisexual.

I took that somewhat personally, being so young and not feeling all that confident. We parted amicably at the end of high school and he moved to London for a time, where he wrote me letters on the back of gift wrap or whatever else he could find. Then we lost touch for a bit.

 

I saw him in 1988 at our 10-year high school reunion and we had a good, long talk. By then he was living with a man and seemed settled and happy. I felt glad for him.

 

It was the last time I saw him. He was diagnosed with AIDS shortly thereafter and he was near death 2 years later when I finally heard about it from someone else.

 

We wrote a bit, as he was able. Apologized for not letting me know. There was completion between us.

And then he died, a month before his 30th birthday. I had some lovely after-death communication from him. And yet... for years, I felt angry at him for leaving. He had so much life in him. So much more to give and to experience.

 

I know that the choices that others make on a soul-level can't be perceived clearly from our earthly eyes. My friend had arrived astrologically at a crossroads point - his Saturn return. It is then that we are energetically encouraged to take a leap forward into adulthood. I always kind of felt like this was more than he was prepared to do, and so he left this world.

 

I will only add that having known him continues to add to my own understanding about so many things: aliveness, the creative imperative (he became a fabulous artist), sexuality and the curious spectrum we all walk within it, adulthood, soul choices, and death.

 

* This is the two of us in our 17th summer. I had just woken up, and he was trying to pull me into the pool.